Inner City Farmer

I had to get rid of my rooster this weekend. You remember him. Funny-looking bird with feathers growing out of his head. It wasn’t his looks that prompted his ouster. Nor was it his incessant crowing (although that certainly didn’t help his cause). What did him in was his ceaseless desire to abuse the hens. He chased them around the coop and pecked at them all day long. He destroyed their nests. He stressed them out so much they stopped laying eggs. To put it bluntly, he was being a cock.

However, his offensives certainly didn’t warrant the death penalty so I actively searched for a new home for him. I put an ad on craigslist for a FREE ROOSTER and got far more responses than I’d anticipated, roosters generally being about as desirable as head lice. I picked the first person to express a willingness to drive over immediately, an old man named Frank who wanted to give the rooster to his grandson. When he arrived I asked him how he was going to catch the rooster, and Frank nearly laughed in my face. “It won’t be a problem,” he said. “I was raised a country boy.” And with that Frank walked into the coop and grabbed the rooster with both his hands. As the rooster fidgeted and squawked in his arms, Frank continued to talk to me about chickens, children, and World War II.

For a country boy Frank drove a pretty suburban-looking car, which made me wonder how he was going to get the rooster home. Having just witnessed him pick up a rooster as if it were the morning paper, I should never have doubted him. Frank plopped the rooster down on top of a garbage bag and dropped a basket over his head, then taped the bag to the basket, a trick I’m going to have to remember. Frank thanked me, and I thanked him, and just like that the rooster, and all the troubles he brought me, was gone.

I seem to be buying a lot of things lately, and here I go again. The Austin Water Utility Conservation Program is sponsoring a sale on rain barrels this weekend. They usually cost at least $60 or $70 but from 8 to 11:30 a.m. you can buy one for the low low price of $45. You can find more details here.

I have had great success using the one rain barrel I have set up in my back yard. Now I’m hoping to put one in my front yard so I can catch all the water that runs off my roof in that direction. I just planted a row of shrubs between my yard and the street to block off unwanted guests (humans) and invite desired ones (birds), and for plants rain water is the Dom Perignon of the water world. See you at the sale!

Yesterday I enjoyed one of those moments of synergy that reminded me that I am on the right path. I was in my kitchen preparing some dishes for a dinner party I was throwing to celebrate a good friend’s birthday when I heard a loud bang. A second later, all the electricity inside my house went out. Just a week before, this would have been a disaster. How could I possibly cook the apple berry crumble I had made for dessert?

Luckily, the solution to my problem had just arrived in the mail the day before: a solar oven from Sun Ovens International. I simply carried the oven outside, placed the crumble inside, shut the glass door, and aimed the contraption at the sun. Just a few hours later, the dish was cooked and I didn’t have to use any energy to do it. It was, to say the least, a transformative experience.

By using the sun to cook a dish I would later share with friends, I tapped into some primitive part of myself that understands that we need nothing more than what we have. If we can cook with the sun and heat our water with the sun and even power our houses with the sun, why do we feel the need to create new and dangerous energy sources like nuclear power? I think the Native Americans had it right. If you study some of the mythology of the Plains tribes, you will see constant references to the power and beneficence of the sun. In fact, the most sacred ceremony for many of these tribes was a celebration called the Sun Dance, which involved dancing, singing, fasting, even flesh piercing, all in honor of that great big fireball in the sky.

One of the coolest aspects of the solar oven is that it’s portable. On a camping trip, you can stick a casserole in it, go for a hike, and return to a hot meal. I haven’t used mine enough to make this argument, but some say the food cooked in a solar oven even tastes better than that cooked in a conventional oven because the moisture can’t escape so your food won’t get dried out.

At this point I probably sound like a salesman shilling for Sun Ovens International so I will end by saying that you can actually make a perfectly usable sun oven yourself out of cardboard and tin foil. I bought one because a friend in the neighborhood found a great deal on them, and I want to have one that will last so the next time the power inexplicably goes out it won’t prevent me from making a tasty hot meal.

One of the things I hate most about our consumer-driven society is that so few of the products we buy can be fixed. In fact, most of them are designed to break down and be thrown away. It’s called planned obsolescence, and it just might be the single worst thing about our culture.

In response to this abhorrent practice I do my best to buy things (when I actually do go out and buy something) that will last. So when my electric coffee grinder broke last week, the third one to do so in the last six or seven years, I decided that no matter what I wasn’t going to replace it with another cheap electric model designed to die before 2010. Instead I did a little research and discovered the wonders of hand-cranked coffee grinders. They’re quiet. They give you a little exercise. They don’t require electricity. They look fairly stylish. And, yes, they are built to last. I chose one made by Zassenhaus, a German company that produces the Mercedes Benz of coffee grinders.

After several days of use I am happy to report that I am 100 percent satisfied with this product. It takes a little longer to grind my beans in the morning, but that’s a slow time for me anyway (after all, I haven’t had any coffee yet!). I really don’t mind adding three or four minutes of “work” to my day in exchange for the knowledge that I own something that’s guaranteed to last at least 25 years and doesn’t require me to be attached to the Grid. My hand-cranked grinder did cost me about five times as much as a cheap electric one, but I figure it will soon be paying for itself. For anyone interested in buying one of the these beauties I would suggest you get a “knee” model, which can be wedged in between your legs while you crank. I neglected to do so and it’s my one minor complaint.

If I were to be more precise, I would add a question mark to the end of the title. Because I’ve never made a spiral herb garden before. But that didn’t stop me from trying.

Using an amalgamation of tips pulled from several different websites, I succeeded in making a serviceable herb garden this morning. Like sheet mulching, I started with a piece of cardboard to repel the growth of unwanted weeds. On top of this I added a layer of rough sand for drainage, and here is what the result looked like:

Next I started adding the rocks that would form the actual spiral. For some reason I can’t recall, it is important that the spiral flow clock-wise here in the northern hemisphere, just like water down a drain. I used chunks of urbanite, the remains of the back steps I jackhammered to oblivion several years ago.

Then I added a layer of dirt mixed with Revitalizer Compost from the Natural Gardener:

Next I continued with the spiral of rocks and added more compost and dirt:

Finally, I planted my herbs. Proper placement is important. I planted rosemary on the very top because it can handle dry soil and mint at the bottom because it likes wetter conditions. I also put basil and oregano in the ground. I am keeping this garden small to see how it does. If it’s successful, I may build another one in the front of my house. All this took about half an hour to do. I know there are far more elaborate ways to build such a garden, like adding a compost tea drip system in the very middle, but I was looking to make this job as simple as possible, and so far I have succeeded.